WINTER JOY

This chilly time of year is my absolute favourite for topping up on the accessories especially winter accessories.My one golden rule being the more crazy and colourful the better.These days are dark,drab and in general pretty damn bleak.Colour injection is a must.Oh what do you know?It is the most perfect excuse to have a sly shopping splurge,what?A girls got to keep warm.That's my excuse...fail proof and quite convincing,no?
However going into town is really not an option right now,I don't find the thought of battling and elbowing my way through the festive stampede of panicked people,only to discover my size isn't available,much appealing.My last shopping trip was a total anti-climax,I mean my shopping list wasn't that too ambitious.All I was after were some bright kooky knits,patterned sweaters and a couple of cool yet cosy winter hats.What did I find?Grey/cream/black cable knits (sorry I just nodded off),and a whole bunch of suspicious and disturbing panda/bear beanies.Oh yes let's not forget the array of fluffy trapper hats complete with very wonky animal ears.Animal cruelty surely?Whatever the fuck it is the animals are offended.Stop.It.Now.
Yep my last failed shopping trip shall not be forgotten any time soon,lesson learned move on...I've one style stop that I love to browse for all my winter warmers and unlike most high street there's not a lazy eyed panda beanie insight oh joy* for that!Umm's now I just need to narrow down my findings and choose something,this could take a while...






images Joythestore

STYLE SLOG

Every year around this chilly time,I experience SSAD.Seasonal.Style.Affect.Drought.
In other words 'tis depressing times right this moment my fellow fashion victim peeps(whop look at me dropping a retro word...does anyone still say peeps?),a sorry phase I fail miserably at avoiding every winter,i.e organising my wardrobe for the fierce bbbbrrrrrr's of winter.Stuck in a state of denial.I drag out the use of spring/summer dresses/skirts/play suits/shorts/chiffon blouses e-t-c's for as long as I possibly can,for as long as my body will tolerate.Today there is no ignoring the plummeting temperatures outside.Seeing my own breath escape from the mouth became a constant reminder that winter has indeed arrived,she's here and she's bullying me into ditching my summer wardrobe by torturing my legs and knees with frost bite.Ouch.It stings like a bitch.Huff.
The thought of having to put my summer threads away and into to hibernation is sending me into deep depression.Bye bye's my beloved summer beaut's such as the head scarf (I'm down one now,as my favourite vintage pink poodle print silk scarf blew away.Yesterday afternoon when mother nature cruelly snatched it off me unexpectedly.*Cries into pillow),sleeveless dresses,floaty fabrics,peep toe pumps and my ice cream print sun glasses.
Do excuse me whilst I dab the stream of tears running down my face.
Ugrgh.Slog,I need to consider buying for the many cold days and general numbness which is ultimately going to come my way.The candy coloured chiffon's I collected over the summer time ain't gonna cut it and protect me from the harsh December elements.Here is where I always lack the inspiration and that kick start oompphh if you like?The encouragement to run into the shops.Purse at the ready and get stuck into winter clothes shopping.When all the high street has to offer me is a dismal display of the same tiresome LBD'S,embellished body-cons,and fucking frightening animal patterned jumpers...their not kooky,not kitch and most the time such knitwear only resembles messy,ugly road kill.Leave it alone.That includes the demented looking panda hats too.Is it any wonder the high street makes me shudder this time of year?


BOARD:PRETTYNEONS

Hello!Look around.Everywhere you turn it's festive tack,after more festive tack.Okay fashion we get it.Understood it's almost Xmas.The part I don't understand is why you seem to believe were all eager to pull ourselves into some horrid OTT sequin Lycra number.Or plonk a wonky eyed/eared panda or fox on our head?Baffling.
I'm not willing to compromise my existing style to keep snug,or exchange all pretty attractive things for plain old practicality.
So lets all hail ASOS and throw a big thank you hug around the ASOS angels,for their awsome winter warmers.An almighty explosion of fun bright colours,giant polka-dots,leopard print collars and playful pom pom scarfs.December needn't be a drag,nor does winter have to equal a sloggish style drought.With this array of Asos winter warmers (above)I'm about ready to embrace the season of bbbbbbbrrrrr's.

WHOOPS I JUST BECAME OBSESSED...

As far as tv series go I can take them or leave them i.e Mad Men...not fussed.
Ah ha so you think I'm trying to be awkward and all controversial with my dislike towards Mad Men,well,I'm not it simply bored me to tears the styling/costume not enough to with hold my attention.The styling in Gossip Girl had me temporarily smitten,I'd secretly flick over and tune in to teen tv just out of curiosity,'Oohh what will Blair and the goss girls be wearing?'Young Blair's(series one)kooky prep ensembles convinced me to give head/hair accessories and bright lipstick a whirl.Cringe worthy huh?When a tv show becomes a form of inspiration...
I.look.Ridiculous.In.Alice bands.Never repeat that mistake again.Moving on swiftly,don't forget to remember:never allow another glossy American tv series fool you.Oh look.Whoops I've been sucked in by Pan Am.Yep once again I'm styling myself under the influence of a slick,styled American tv series.BBC 2 I hate you right now,for introducing me to the likes of Kate(Kelli Garner)and her ultra glam,perfect Pan Am posse.Those drop dead gorgeous girls you see below?Yeah that's them-obvs.





images google

I've an instant and insane screaming style craving for dainty shoes(strictly kitten heels only)over sized cat eye shaped sunnies (what!?Sun glasses may be required for this December...what with global warming bubbling away)peek-a-boo petticoats,soft pastel coloured accessories,silk scarves,box hand bags,blouses,bows and finally shit loads of feminine,frilly, flirty and very fitted vintage dresses.Pan Am is hardcore vintage porn,which frankly needs to be censored.'Tis not for the faint hearted nor the weak willed.In fact word of advice.Avoid watching Pan Am if you are prone to vintage binges and want to keep your bank account healthy.For this vintage junkie it's gone too far,it's too late I blame Kate(swoons,the secret Pan Am spy)for what is about to become,heck already is my new tv obsession and huge,huge girl crush.
Is my crush on Kate premature,it only being two episodes in and all?Nah.Should I begin dressing under the influence?Get all experimental with orange blusher and rock prom-dresses in the day?Yes.Will I ever learn my lesson with these attractive American tv shows?No.Because damn iiiittt!They're too seductive.

THE BOY OR THE BROGUE?

Gasp!Did anyone else catch the feature in Femail?The one about how most us gals ditch our style once we've departed from singleton to settled down with a serious long term boy?No,no,no.NO surely not ladies?Who on earth investigates such pressing *cough* matters?I refuse to believe any fashion slut would give up the fashion/style game to please her anti-Vogue-bashing boyfriend,what and resort to a pair of comfy yet ugly as hell ugg boots and slouchy jogger bottom combo.Yikes.Love is blind,huh?
The feature (for those of you who have better things to do other than read the femail section in the mail),compiled a 'case study' (...hold up,so there are women who are willing to compromise their individual style for a T-shirt and jean bloke,eh?)of ten ladies who cut their love affair with their favourite fashion items short.To keep their boy all pleased.Baffling,absolutely and completely.
Love is a compromise and the best of times,but rejecting your beloved heels for a him?Really?REALLY?Tuts all the way...
Him's will come and go,wardrobes my love struck females will forever remain loyal and play a big part in your life.Umm depending on what level/scale of materialistic your at?Me honestly I'm probably somewhere inbetween a five,sixish outta ten.
Have no shame!...my very own fashion flirts with brogues have often caused some friction with the males.Case study one.The science boy.Yes,we were both doomed from the start whilst he debates over molecules and I over MiuMiu:I heard of that age old opposites attract theory and went with it Okay?

...All was well with science boy and I,we bonded over Sci-fi and Simon Peg films his ramblings of atoms and other bits of science stuff (ignorance can be the ultimate best friend at times)both amused and intrigued me.One titchy prob-lem-ohh's he was yet to discover I worked in the fashion industry...keeping it a temporary dirty little secret for fear of instantly being stereotyped,though I do a pretty good job of doing that myself,"Vogue?" quizzed SB when he investigated my book shelf.
Deep breath give the ghost up time.Come clean,spill it confess all the fashion industry.A yadda,yadda,yadda...and wait for the mockery.Right on cue the cute (to begin with anyway)fashion taunts and teasing began.SB couldn't appreciate my weekly fix of glossy fashion magazines,or understand the mathematics behind highstreet,vintage and thrift,"Them shoes are funny looking you know,those ones with the laces the school teacher thingy shoes,yeah I don't like them.I hate them actually."


illustration flickr

Brogues I explained to SB are my beloved choice of footwear and here to stay stuck for all eternity in my style diet sticking like molecules.Learn to love the brogue or tolerate and just keep mouth shut so we can continue where ever us may be going?Not very far at all,"So you read this fashion trend crap and go shopping to dress up and look like the skinny skeleton girls right?Doesn't it become exhausting being a fashion victim?" Ah,no he didn't.SB attempted to sway me away from such fashion victimzines.I tried to convert him from National Geographic to Nylon,I enjoy an unrealistic challenge and seeing him frown over fashion jargon was a big plus too.One Sunday afternoon SB crossed the line.That's right he trespassed over and into my wardrobe,scooped up my piles of "school teacher footwear" and cruelly pushed them towards the dark black corners of my wardrobe.Boy or the brogues was never going to be an option.The boy had to go.Pronto,like lightening speed.The brogues stayed put!

PICKING ON PINK

Pink the stuff of seven year old girls dreams and dolls houses.Pink the only colour in the colour wheel that is subject to ageism.Pink poor,poor colour pink often finds itself (or herself,hmm?) tied up with THAT classic stereotype:*clue in close relation to the whole dumb blonde one...shall we blame her,the world famous Barbie doll?The colour pink isn't sophisticated,it's silly in comparison to all the other hundreds of colours,and after one has exited their childhood years the colour pink should be erased,packed up,abandoned and all together forgotten about along with Ken and Barbie.Alas pink is the only colour (to my knowledge),which has become somewhat a bit of a taboo.I know for sure I'm not the only woman who is a wee bit obsessed with the colour.There's lots of us out there who swoon over a LPD (little pink dress)and have easily more than two pink items stashed away somewhere in the wardrobe.Hiding no doubt behind or underneath the more grown up shades of fashions.Why do we feel so compelled to conceal our love for all things painted pink?Will it ever be socially acceptable to blatantly boast of being completely smitten and tingled...pink?Or will we(my fellow pink fans) be mocked and she (pink) be forever dismissed as nothing other than uncool and destined only for an eternity of plastic-fantastic Barbieness?
Wrong.Seems she our secret favourite colour may just be having a mini fashion moment,horrahs!This time shes returned all grown up in lace,leather,metal studs and killer heels.So Barbie back off,pink just got too hot for you to handle...

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ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

'Was my suggestion really that absurd?',I ask myself as one of my customers enters the changing room looking a wee bit daunted by the prospect of test driving (so to speak) a dash of deep magenta,to spike up her selection of black-on-black winter warmer basics.I'm not dissing those essential A/W basics at some point or other they will become our best friend as we layer up,preparing ourselves for the inevitable snow blizzards,however why opt for the black skinny jeans when you can enjoy a sharp hit of super brights?Waiting the other side of the changing room door,I suspect the woman is not much impressed by my decision to,let's go with edit?Her original garment options of black-on-black-on- top- of- yet- more -black,I felt compelled to intervene on the simple basis that as a fashion sales/style advisor I'm sick to death of spotting women taking the easy A/W option of black,urgh frustrating.Hello ladies black isn't even a colour,come on!
"Wow,it works,Mmm I've changed my mind I'm leaving black behind...thought I'd look daft in such a bold colour this time of the year and everything.Thanks very much for being a great,great help!"Panic over with,she likes and I'm chuffed to see her take the coloured skinny jeans over to the till point,leaving behind the many shades of erm,black on the rejection clothes rail...


board prettyneons

Why do we find it so very difficult to bin the black?Okay it's pouring it down outside,still must we allow such miserable weather conditions dampen and distort our crush on colour?When the weather is bleak I can't help but crank up the colour volume,the higher and brighter the better job it does of distracting my attention from the thick blackish grey clouds that loom up above my head.To eliminate and altogether erase colours from our A/W style diet fails to make any logic to me...swapping reds,pinks,blues,yellows etc's for sorry shades of grey?Self inflicting seasonal affect disorder on ourselves and our colour/print deprived wardrobe,eh,what is all that about?Why is not wearing black such a stubborn style/fashion hurdle that many of us can't grasp thus tumbling into a depressing downward spiral of darks-blues,greys,b-l-a-c-k-s forever playing it safe.Sticking like glue to our good old,trusty,reliable and familiar autumn/winter plain cardigans and of course black jeans/leggings and jeggings let us not forget those biege ugg boots.YAWN'AH.Is it not about time we depart from traditional dull A/W trend and traditions?I'm not demanding you to dive into an array of loud clashing prints and neon wellies (though that does sound like fun and very appealing),dip your toes into coloured opaques,coat your nails with gold varnish paint,buy that bright blue duffel coat.If your a little autumn/winter colour timid and fearful of fully committing yourself to such high doses of colour and print?Why not experiment and dabble with the humble accessory?When your feeling more confident and brave,step into a pair of killer red suede shoe boots.Before you know it your soon be not-wearing-black.Boom.On the bright side you have arrived.

AUTUMN HEARTS

I adore autumn!There's numerous reasons why I heart this chilly season I love how the pavement is graffitied by mother nature with splashes of orange,reds,yellows and coppers courtesy of the delicate leafs which shower down,an exciting reminder that Halloween and fire work night is around the corner.Enough of the tree hugging deep musings...on a more shallow style note,autumn indicates the end of a wave of fashion sins (stop reading now if your a maxi kinda gal)i.e tiresome 'classic' summer statement pieces.Which never fail to utterly bore the hell out of me.Leaving the wardrobe and I feeling a bit jaded and bemused.Paisley printed maxi dresses, espadrilles,and tribal themed accessories I'm talking to you!Meh meh meh-meh.
That's all I wish to say to you lot.I really hope those fashion magazine A/W trend predictions fall flat on their face...maxi dresses following right through to autumn:don't go spoil my autumn fun trend setters.And boooooo to the maxi massive crews out there who insist on keeping this trend going strong,just please take a moment to consider the under average height woman (*cough* yes that would be bitter I)for the maxi causes nothing other than misery for us.For they will forever be out of bounds,due to the hazardous indications involved.Tripping and tumbling over the long hem...it's about time us shorties and maxi haters unite,kick up a fuss and crank up the A/W trend rebellion.Say no to maxi skirts,maxi dresses and the maxi mania in general,it taunts us all summer long and to discover it may just stick around and taunt us during autumn/winter is like Vogues idea of a sick,sick joke.
Whilst it's still mild and ever so slightly sunny outside be bold,be brave and do the unthinkable my friends...go short.Allow opaque and knitted tights to be your new best friend,yes there's a very high and real possibility of receiving amused frowns from strangers.And yes they will regard and write you off as being both highly delusional and stuck in a state of seasonal denial as you shiver after work waiting for your train/bus/taxi to roll up and save your knees and ankles from frost bite.But were in this fashion revolution together,I'll go first with this Mondays totally weather inappropriate outfit (see below).






images prettyneons

My items...
Heart print skirt,£4.50 thrift
Blouse,£8.00,Peacocks
Shoulder purse,£3.00,thrift

TAKE AWAY STYLE

Clock watching something I excel at come almost lunch time at work.Eyes fixated on the clock stalking the big hand as it Very.Slowly.Ticks away and around every second going just that tiny bit slower than the last,'tut.Has the clock just froze?Come on already budge,move just please do something,ah time stop being stubborn.'
Okay ten minutes to pass,keep busy must keep busy or else time will draaaaaag out,hmm what to do with myself..?I'll divert my attention to,to..to the bloody clock again...urgh nope no good them minutes aren't passing by as quick as I'd like right now.If them minutes are even passing at all?I may just grab a ladder,climb up and give that frigging smug clock a good shake,perhaps that will encourage the big hand to finally hit the old 12 o'clock.May receive some funny looks though,so best not.
Yikes did you see that?It moved the big hand actually moved,them tick tocks are getting louder and it's like music to my ears.Tick tock tick tock tick...1pm laters I'm outta here folks!
Run upstairs,two steps at a time invade locker grab jacket,bag,purse and ready-set-go!Tis lunch time and I am starrrving.For a sale.My feet pound the pavement,one problem.I'm not the only one on a lunch break,and other busy working ants keep getting in my way,move it.This girl is on a mission.And if you don't step to one side,out of my way things will get ugly.Come on,come on keep a moving peoples stop blocking my route.Route being Newlook by-the-by just don't tell Peacocks I'm having an dirty little affair with out retail enemy/competition on the sly at lunch time.
You may call it infidelity,I prefer to think of myself as a hero of the highstreet? We all have targets/budgets to meet which is tough during these cash strapped times
and I'm doing my very best to keep those tills ringing for all!Besides I'm smitten with several floaty pieces at Newlook,pieces my purse wouldn't allow me to stretch to during those bygone summer months.I don't find the idea of abusing store cards much appealing(such evil store card is currently both dominating and destroying my
fashion addict friends life,ever partial to shoes and now paying more than triple the original price for a pair of suede platform booties dating far back as July.
Pro tip* wait my wise ones,sales are never too far away your time will come.Store cards are not your new best friend,she will stab you in the back and possibly erase your bank account too)signing up to a store card is, essentially signing up for a debt death sentence!Anyhoo's I see it,I see it!Ekk the big bright red sale banner splashed across the stores window,swoon heart is beating faster,the suspense is killing me.Here I am,I've arrived and only for a split second do I consider turning around and out using my cash for it's original purpose-lunch,'umm sandwich or sales..?'the scale in my head is tilting towards the sales,my mild hunger pains shall not over ride this decision,meh I'll grab a smoothie on my sprint back to work.
Time is running away whilst I speed through the rails desperate to find a bird print silk blouse I kept crushing on back in August.I discard all other temptations that stick out from the bulging sale rails poking me in the arm almost gaining my attention testing my willpower but failing as I remain focused on the task at hand...snagging that bird blouse which surely must be hiding somewhere within all these reductions.Come out,come out where ever you are?Well what do you know I spot one on the rejection rail by the fitting rooms,anticipation is crippling,'If there's a God or any good in this world,birdie top will be my size.' Squinting one eye half closed I gingerly flip reverse the swing ticket and choose to ignore the size 10 hanger.Pretty please be on the incorrect clothes hanger...I can't look.I have to look,'keep your shit together,and whatever you do do-not-cry if the tag reveals the ugly truth and no cursing size 10 women either.In short don't make a scene'
Result it's a size 12,it's mine all mine ha-ha-ha (insert cartoon villain evil laugh)
bird in the bag and hunger pains interrupting and spoiling my moment of glory I dash back to work slurping down an extra thick fruit smoothie and swallowing a whole kitkat chunky.Guilt from my love affair with our competition (Peacocks vs Newlook) kicks in,I feel compelled to purchase something just as a form of apology we kiss and make up via one stunning cream crochet lace chiffon frock (see below)






images prettyneons

Sale items...
Silk bird top,Newlook,£5.00
Dress,Peacocks,£15.00 plus staff discount i.e bargain indeed.

THE GIRLS A GEEK?

Hmm should I even admit to absolutely frigging enjoy indulging in all the weekend newspaper fashion supplement's?I literally feel this huge big old empty void during my weekends whenever I fail to pick my stash of fashion supplement's from the local newsagents.Heck I've even been known to go to extremes.Such as bumping someone out my way,in the desperate bid to bag the last Sunday newspaper...I'm not proud of it,however I just can't cope with out my weekly instalment of the brilliant and witty Mimi Spencer (gawwwd I heart her,and Mimi is now at the beginning of You horrahhs 'bou time too You magazine!)and the'Fashion Foward'features.Yesterday my heart fluttered with You's choice of librarian inspired pieces.As I have this secret ambition of becoming a librarian,Okay so the secret is now out of the bag and no longer really much of a secret.Seriously in my life back up plan list (I.Do.Love.A.List)libarian is plan D.I'm considering editing my back up plan list though and adjusting librarian to plan C after falling head over heels in love with You's librarian fashion feature (see below)The styling made my heart swoon so much so in fact I was drooling on the pages.With a clashing array of leopard and polkdot prints,giant bows,bright stripes,fun chunky plastic bangles/statement bling'in rings,and a neon dose of yellow lace to boot.Thus making my librarian ambition so much more cooler,acceptable and,well,stylish too!





images courtesy of You mag

HIDING PLACES

Besides carrying around our favourite and most adored handbag there's nothing more us girls enjoy dragging around than a heavy lump of body hang ups.You lie and are fooling no one if your mumbling,"nah got none." PA-LEASSSE...
After oohh,say ten minutes of sitting down scoffing sweet,sweet cake with my size nothing pal this lunch time,we both immediately regretted our cake sins (having a bloated pig sort of day I'm sure your all familiar with them ladies!?)and this triggered us to have one of those big backside-bad hair day-knobbly knees-armpit cleavage whines.That only us women do so brilliantly.Ah yes we,or more she did raise the intriguing subject of armpit cleavage.Or rather pitage as we have now coined up between us.Rolling up her T-shirt sleeve,fiddling around with the sides of her bra (in public may I add-she has no shame this woman!)she,my slightly mentally unstable friend began demonstrating the effects of armpit cleavage,"There right there don't you see it?"
Nope,what am I suppose to be seeing here exactly?
..."isn't it disgusting?See how my armpit flesh spills, pinches and rolls over the corner of my bra?I can't stand it!I was wearing a beautiful bandeau dress on my date with the boy last weekend.When I leaned over for the kill,suddenly noticing this bizarre ripple of fat protruding from underneath my armpit.I've actual fat armpits can you believe it honey?"
Roar.Of.Laughter was my instant reaction.How we spot these minor and very ridiculous body blunders eh?First there was the does-my-bum-look-big-in-this?Followed often by do-my-legs-look-chunky?Let's not forget the insane lengths many go to for a wash board stomach.Now we've added yet another to the let's beat ourselves up list...fat frigg'in enormous armpits.Really now?Because we don't have enough body issues to digest already.Puns pushed aside.Just how many seconds,minutes,hours,days,weeks, months (...um yeah you get my drift already?) are we girlie's prepared to waste away? Pondering over fat armpits and other insecure body etc's.Swearing all sorts of harsh obscenes to the reflection in the mirror,shouting at our wardrobes whilst having one of those none-of-these-size-tops-fit- me- properly-aahh I look fat in all of 'em rage.*Cringe*
The attitudes towards ourselves,our bodies is embarrassing and weired.Why our brains are determined to remain wired and knotted up this way,generation after generation
beats me?The fashion items we seem to dismiss and essentially deny ourselves because of our little and very insignificant lumps,bumps and armpit cleavage,is,in short insane.All us women are off our rocket aren't we?Paronoid wrecks walking around ooooozing killer style.Yet we can't seem to shred those annoying,intruding nagging thoughts that disturb us when concentrating how to walk in our heels.Will we ever get the balance right?Will we ever embrace our unique bodies?Rebel big time by showing off our quirky imperfections instead of forever trying to conceal them underneath slouchy,lose drab layers of clothes.Come out from underneath your hiding place.Rock that bandeau top/dress and get over the armpit cleavage/'pitage' already!Unless of course you want to be like her(above)and spend your life hiding underneath bookshelves?In which case how very boring.

TRENDS AND TROUBLES

Ah when working in the world of fashion,be it PR/journalist/ head office buyer/designer or sales floor/fashion retail/manager the temptation is never too far
away actually it's never far enough sometimes.Oh how it enjoys pushing your buttons and testing the strength of your willpower.Today I'd say my willpower,was at an all time pathetic low in fact my willpower abandoned me and let me down.Or perhaps I just abandoned it?Whoever is to blame I crumbled into a dizzy,overwhelmed silly swooning little fashion slut,when I came face to face with crayon blue coloured jeans.Yes,yes I know I'm a self proclaimed trend basher(?),my stomach churns at the sight of trend do's and don'ts I feel genuinely sad and depressed by fashion groupies who allow such fickle trends to dominate they're day-to-day wardrobes and life in general.Such behavior leaves me baffled,then every now and then every once in a blue moon the trend effect creeps up on me,I oblivious until it's too late and I'm clutching a 'celeb' trend item in my hand.Denial.Denial is a dirty thing.Truth is for weeks my brain has been bombarded with celebs (whatever they are,umm?)parading around and paaaappped in bright bold coloured jeans in just about every lunch time fashion magazine(Look,Grazia,More etc's) available.The curiosity got her claws on me and I am now technically and officially a trend peddle pusher.Yipes.
There it is I've come clean and said it.If anyone happens to see my style common sense kicking about anywhere.Could you send it my way?Because you and I both know denim is cruel towards me,yet I've picked up a pair of bright denim jeans.*Bonkers. The conclusion-style suicide.I've finally snagged THAT Peacocks bag though after many weeks of high anticipation...the beast of a bag (see below) became available to buy.You could say this bag pulled me back from the edge,the brink of my style denim suicide just in the nick of time.Yep for this isn't any old-new-bag,it's my savior for I am style slave sinner....




Images prettyneons all items Peacocks

HANGING IT ALL TOGETHER:PART THREE

Before you ask,nope I never did get my paws on one of those amazing primark style shoe- pooper- scooper thinnngymebob's nore did I succeed tracking down the shoe-scooper-dupper-dude from primark either and invite him around my place to swoop in on my pile of shoes and scoop 'em all up.I wish.Man I really need one of them shoe-scooper's.What girl wouldn't?It would save the average footwear lurv'in female hours,sparing us all from the tedious chore of organising and clearing up our heels,flats,platforms,converse by hand one pair at a time hour after hour...urgh.Introduce the shoe scooper and bosh!Shoe edit done in nano-seconds.Allowing us to resume to the more important things in life like reading our fashion blogs,and shopping.Now there's a shoe void in your wardrobe,tis time to replenish!
Sadly there was no shoe-scooper for me to snatch,and my shoe blitz continued into the pm zone,considering I began at 11am you can imagine how much of a drag it became?Heyho at least my shoe graveyard is no longer existent,and what a depressing graveyard it was too!Discarded broken heels and converse dating back to my college days.I'm not going to lie here,my once lost love for converse has returned.Those cheaper highstreet imitations don't cut it for me anymore they've no appeal in comparison to the real McCoy-the original converse all stars.I squeezed my toes into an old pair of candy floss pink converse and my heart fluttered in the same way a new crush does.Converse effortlessly switch on the swagger and leave you ouzzing total coolness,if only in your head.I predict a converse splurge coming on...I'll save that treat for another post.Returning to my epic four day wardrobe blitz.It began with the daunting and equally mammoth task of tidying and sorting out the carnage of discarded,forgotten and all round dodgy shoes.With much willpower my floor space is clear, almost apart from the brogues...I kept the lot.What?I've a sacred bond with my brogues,I can't boot them out and into the charity shops.
Shoes all sorted today my focus has been on editing and organising all my dresses...

Ah yes delightful dresses my collection dates back to when star prints were having a bit of a fashion moment,I say bit only of course it has continued at full asteroid speed forcing they're way into our 2011 Autumn/Winter wardrobe,only this time the stars have collided with big fat black and white spots too.The owner of several galaxy printed dresses it won't harm me to part with the other three or four nebula print dresses now will it?I'll just keep hold of four,alright alright the clothes donation bag can have three and that's my finale offer.Left all starry eyed,I poke around,pull out and probe my other remaining dresses.And what a remainder they are.Volumes of floral and blossoms burst out.Is this a clothes rail or a flower basket?All that's missing to make this an authentic looking garden are the weeds.Well would you take a looksee here...weeds.Fashion weeds.Nasty,ghastly, gross and oh-my-god what was I thinking when I purchased these dresses?*Shudder bright yellow and orange fruit salad meets flower print prom dress,which only the kooky Katy Perry's of this world can pull off successfully.I am not her.It must go.Pronto!


Above illustrations courtesy of Sandra Suy

...Excuse me I'm still shuddering over that particular fashion weed.Whoa truly repulsive stuff.Okay I'm over it and ready to crack on.Hold up,wait what is this intriguing chiffon number that's floated delicately on to my foot...fuck not another weed in my floral dominated garbon (wardrobe+garden)this time in the form of a pussy bow blouse complete with granny flower pattern.Remember that micro trend?I despise being yet another fashion victim,yet the evidence lays in a chiffon heap on the floor.Hands up that bizarre granny/floral/tapestry trend lead me astray and off to trend land I followed.I tells you what,I'm not going back to that strange place again.Back to the dresses,these clothes rails are really quite ridiculous.All this time I've been in a state of denial over the extent of my addiction to dresses.I can even spot two of the same boat print dress:at least it isn't floral I suppose?
I riffle through an array of dresses,when I notice a similar pattern occurring...owls and other birds.I was aware that I'm more than partial to owl/ bird based accessories,mostly necklaces.However I wasn't aware of what a sucker I am for a sparrow and owl ditsy print combo.Until I push aside five hangers of the things,making me a sure strong candidate for the next series of Spring Watch.Tweet twhhhoooo this little birdie has a long way to go before she reaches her destination of a perfectly formed and organised wardrobe.

HANGING IT ALL TOGETHER:PART TWO

Yesterday in case you didn't already know the state of my wardrobe caught my attention and to my alarm it was pretty bloody awful the further I went and rummaged into the concealed corners of my wardrobe the more gruesome discoveries I stumbled upon on.I say gruesome as that's exactly what it was in there,not a million miles away from a nightmare.The carnage consisted of a tangled triangle of snapped plastic hangers,a bundle of knotted tights-mostly now laddered,victims of sharp pointy broken clothes hangers: which have no mercy for patterned pretty hosiery.Other such wardrobe victims include cheap and cheerful Primark bags,with zips and straps hanging on for dear life and one nylon thread keeping it's structure in tact.Far from it's former glory.Then obviously there's all those I-JUST-HAD-TO-HAVE-'EM-LIKE-RIGHT-NOW shoes,patent pairs,leopard print pairs,peep-toe pairs,plum purple suede tasseled loafer pairs (I've really made the loafers sound shit and hhuuugley haven't I?In real life those loafers are really quite lovely in an ironic dorkish sort of sense),the future of all the above shoes once looked bright and promising.Yet somehow they got kicked to the wayside,dreams of seeing great things and dominating dance floors disappeared replaced with sitting in their battered shoe box collecting dust instead of dance points.I decide with the shoes my epic wardrobe blitz shall begin!




Above illustrations courtesy of Achraf Amiri

I approach the mass of shoes gingerly,it's resembling a shoe graveyard over here in the left hand corner,right hand corner,middle of the floor and all general floor space this is a sea of shoes and they're waves have crashed and spilled over into other areas of my room.Ah look there's the pest of a platform boot I trip over every single morning in the dim light of dawn.And every morning I aggressively kick it over to one side,and curse obscene censored language to it-as if it can actually hear me and respond to my request of staying the hell out of my way.I think I've just shed a tear as I grab it's partner platform boot and drop it into a charity donation bin bag,there's a sick part of me which will surely miss the daily morning routine of stumbling over and banging my toe on the bed in the process.My dear platform boot your gone but not forgotten.Okay that was nice and easypeasy this wardrobe clear out mission won't take nearly as long as I thought.No sweat this will all be over in five...
As I turn around and see all the other piles of shoes it dawns on me the platform boot was only the beginning.I'm dripping with trepidation sifting through all the shoes.I don't recall ever buying this many pairs of shoes,so I can only assume they've been breeding the brogues especially at a rapid rate.Jeez I have every colour and version of the classic brogue imaginable.I may hold on to the patent pink pair,and nautical navy blue/white pair I forgot about these tanned pair with crochet leather lace detail!THE BROGUES ARE HERE TO STAY.I can't part with these besides I've bonded with my brogues and am yet to bond with the other pink patent pair which admittedly I had no recollection of,but do now and I'm wearing these beauts tomorrow!This wardrobe blitz exercise is obviously counter-productive the contents of my charity shop donation bag is dire.'Come on donate stop keeping all the wonderful shoes to yourself,shoes you've hardly,if ever worn?'my nagging thoughts are right you know.I get stuck in and after two hours (I clearly underestimated the scale of this task.Quite a lot)I'm doing well the donation bag is starting to look hefty,bulging with protruding heels.Plodding happily along,wonder if my shoes will make the charity shop window display?(I always go and investigate whether any of my clothes donations are sat in the window,last time I checked my gorgeous peterpan collar frock failed to make the window display.Yes I was offended and I want it back!Tut*).
Oh how this is becoming so very boring and tiresome:such a drag.Where can I get my paws on one of those giant shoe scooper-uper's that the bloke in Primark often uses much like a doggy pooper scooper only adapted for the use of clearing shoes off the shop floor.Anyways that would be a handy and ideal tool for me and my shoe graveyard,
which is home to some serious dodgy and questionable pairs of shoes.Multi-coloured bow print flats anyone?Whoops somebody allowed their inner 7yr old to influence her decision making didn't they?Oh yes they did.Congrats.Epic style fail.I can't work out why when I'm tidying my shoes up and dumping them in donation bags are they continuing to breed,this fails all logic.Aahh I should be able to see my floor by now!Urrrgh wheres that Primark shoe pooper scooper dude when you need him huh?

HANGING IT ALL TOGETHER: PART ONE

The schizophrenic weather this September has motivated me to declutter,re-analyse,edit and basically blitz my current wardrobe.Now my current wardrobe her personality can be described in three words as scatty,complicated and lazy with no real consistency she's experiencing a confidence crisis.Rolling rails propped up in the dark attic corner(minus one wheel),withdrawn buckling under the dead weight of clothes,bags,accessories and shoes.Knots of recycled plastic,wire,wooden and metal hangers tangled up within fashion scarves,over sized Kurt Cobain style cardigans and crayon coloured lace tops caught up in one leopard print chain shoulder mini bag.Ankle boots,ballet flats and numerous pairs of brogues recklessly kicked off and discarded towards her direction.Wardrobe neglect.Guilty and ashamed I am.It begs the question;how did it ever get this way?Why did I ever allow it to get this way?
And when,oh when did I become a scruffy wardrobe slob?


image Google

When once upon a time I was obsessive compulsive about maintaining order;style order,colour order,length order,size order (bloated days non bloated days).Every little thing had it's position,some items were neatly grouped together.Items such as hosiery (patterned tights non patterned tights)leggings,denim shorts and floaty floral shorts.Admittedly during my once upon a time wardrobe period I had sod else to occupy my empty days with other than claiming jobseekers every fortnight whilst desperately seeking employment.In short I was a fresh fashion graduate,getting my kicks by keeping checks on my wardrobe daily.Anything to dodge the bullets of extreme boredom now dissertations no longer dominated my days.
So the slow decline of my once immaculate wardrobe can be roughly pin pointed during the period I went from unemployed and VERY bored to employed and VERY busy.Right there is when my blissful ignorance and neglect kicked into action or not as my shambles of a wardrobe would reflect.Huff* where do I even begin with this beast of a wardrobe?Textures,colours,shapes,styles,seasons entwined into a web of utter kaleidoscopic mayhem...ah this is going to be so much fun.Erm yeah right.I'll make a start tomorrow.

A* FOR STYLE

Style,jeez can that little innocent word open up a humongous can of worms mostly when in the company of those,stuffy,snooty,stiff,and all so very serious fashionistas.You know the ones?Who will stop at nothing to snag the must have bag and frown upon you if Kate Moss isn't quite your cupa tea,and heaven forbid you dislike an asymmetrical cut or snub bodycon dresses...gasp and how very dare you,go get your head checked out immediately,actually no wait just off with your head altogether.Tut.Tut.
Some like their style to be perfection others individual and original and then there's the few who would strongly argue that to be stylish is to first obtain confidence and adopt an attitude to boot, which cannot be bought via a designer store card.Whatever it may be you can bet your whole entire years worth of Vogue subscriptions that any fashion victim shall surely have a very strong opinion on the subject of style.Don't be too surprised if the style debate rapidly turns a bit ugly and awkward.Because it's one of those topics in which everyone is right,style has no conclusion.Yet many of us still continue to rapidly flick through hundreds of glossy pages in attempt to collect style notes and strive to put those precious tips into practice.And of course we all have our very own fashion icons (some old,some new) which bombard our style hungry brains on a daily basis and influence our day-to-day outfit decisions and purchases.My fashion icon begins with A...and she's making me sway towards,chunky distressed knitted layers,over sized cardigans,leopard print,gold ankle boots and graphic Gothic T-shirts.I call this style U-turn and odd behavior the Alison effect.Goodbye dresses,hmm?










ALL ITEMS FROM RIVEISLAND

GENERATION SHOPPING

Today I had a catch up with the mum,with the drab weather and heavy looming black clouds hanging around, the what shall we do options were narrowed down to just the one classic mother daughter past time.Shopping.It's been an age since mum and I united together as one unit to invade those clothes rails.Our last fashion retail bonding session,erm really didn't end on an ideal note.There was no harmony as we hoovered around the sales.Gawwd that sounds so harsh.No no mum and I are best buds,and neither of us want to disown the other.That is until were confronted with clothes shops...

Today was no exception,I believe together we both tried to tip toe around the delicate matter of going out shopping.It is after all a sensitive subject,a taboo between the two of us.As we both sipped out morning brews and discussed which shops we'd like to hit first immediately it all kicked off,"I'm not too fussed mum,where ever,in what ever order you'd prefer.I'm easy I never strike fashion gold when going out to seek it anyways.You pick."
Great I've delegated smoothly around our little taboo,nice work.
"Forget your charity shop rummage though,yes?"
Wow how about that both a question and answer in one swift sentence,how does the mum do that?
"I have those gift cards for Debenhams,were make that our first stop before they become invalid.I do love my Deb's such a lovely store and when they have a sale it's proper."
Aahh yes Debenhams,Debenhams how I truly hate thee.I (unlike my mum) have no affection what-so-ever towards them bright,stuffy,clynical-esque,mind boggling,multi-leveled mazes.It takes all my concentration simply to avoid a number of obstacles such as a)slipping head over arse on the very OTT buffed floors b)whizzing past those immaculate make-up beauty girls (how do they get those perfect spray on eye brows?)waving their lipsticks wands in my direction and c)not looking an idiot by trying to go-down via the going-up escalators.Tut.I don't do department stores false dot,they're too generic.Once you've seen one you've seen enough forever.Despite all my hard efforts to convince mum to leave Debenhams until later (like never please!)we wasted two too many hours in the place.Those tedious escalators kept on coming each set extending us into an never ending array of fashion labels and offers that not even Gok Wan could digest and appreciate.I actually did revert to my moody
teenage self,by doing the best sixteen year old impression by a 25 year old you have ever seen.Ever.Dragging my feet having sarcastic digs at Debenhams as if they could hear or care about what I think?And yes at one point the lifts looked like a whole lot of fun.Anything to get out of this blatant middle class meeting point.I'm for the fashion under dogs,where's Matalan at huh?And who bought mum these bloody gift cards anyway?Cop out.

Gifts cards all used up we exit Debenhams.The mum with bags,I with a banging headache.Next stop RiverIsland I want a piece of Chelsea Girl.But oh how I wish I didn't.We enter RI all seems to be going Okay,the mum is having a pleasant poke around the bags and shoes while I run towards the Chelsea Girl area.Swooning over frill front blouses,crochet waistcoats/dresses, tan suede lace shorts,and beautiful bowling bags.Like yikes I'm having an elated moment right now..."What's this?"
"Whats what mum?",I genuinely baffled by her mixed expression.
The mum investigates every garment,zooming in and out on each and every crochet,frilled,knitted piece there is to examine.And uh-oh there it is.That look which informs me that the mum is about to fashion preach at any minute now...
"Over priced this is, all of it is over priced.I lived at Chelsea Girl when I was younger it didn't ever cost this!As for that peter pan collar dress,them designers have got it all very wrong.There was no such combination as that,and those colours are a little bit off too.Too early Sixties,Chelsea wasn't established until my late teens."



images chelsea girl

Jeez alright, alright keep it down luv, no need to make a scene and spoil the moment.The probing of Chelsea Girl collection continues all the way to the check out,the mum bemused by the appeal of which RI's vintage inspired collection has on me.Suddenly the irritated and offended original Sixties Chelsea teenager does a sharp style U-turn.Yep I hear an admiring swoon,quite lengthly swoon too.Escape from the mums mouth,"Loafers look at them aren't they niccce,would go lovely with that Orange crochet lace dress and the stripe dress too." Chelsea Girl converted well, back into a Chelsea Girl it would seem?And Oh check me out receiving outfit tip offs on how to do Chelsea Girl properly.I never said two generation shopping couldn't be rewarding!



images chelsea girl