11 April 2012

NEW GIRL

...I know, I know it's early days I'm only at the start of my Arcadia induction at work but I have horrid new girl syndrome.Constant bombardment of awkwardness,very self-aware of every time I ask questions/ask for help and then ask and ask again,yes I'm entitled to not know everything yet because I'm at the beginning of my training.Alas this doesn't prevent the confident crisis that creeps up and silently taunts me,though I've always considered myself to be a pretty confident-career-go-getter type of girl,could it be that I've been fooling myself?Or has that go getter graduate girl simply gone and where did she run away to?Because I'm desperately seeking for my self-esteem over here,which slowly dissolved due to set backs after set backs,the latest being made redundant from Peacocks.Such unemployment has spiked any career confidence I once had;my new job will see me starting from scratch once more.All previous achievements/modules etc obtained from Peacocks now completely invalid,erased and irrelevant.Going from advanced level all the way back down to I-just-don't-know-dumb with excuse me but I have a question how do I do this/that and the other,is this/that correct?
Intruding,out of my depth cannot cut it thoughts so so stubborn.Unsettling and during certain times today all consuming,as equally distracting as these bright red sore blisters that decorate the heels of both feet right now;the result from my new career girl work shoes.As tedious as the career ladder which these fragile feet of mine try to grip.Blah.Just ignore me,this bus commute is making me cranky,well,that combined with daunting thoughts of tomorrow and the ongoing new girl work induction,all of which are sprinkled with silent sighs.

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