The email read...
...Hi prettyneons we follow your blog and would really love to offer you a placement within our exciting fast paced fashion PR company, please get in touch Best Wishes...
My instant reaction being gasp, 'Whoa jeez is this serious? Mum, mum,lookseeeeee!'
Mum scans through the email followed by encouraging words (though they may not read that encouraging?)'You work so so so hard and you deserve this. Those years of hard bloody work and your degree may have been worth the slog after all? Go on then what are you waiting for reply, reply.'
Before typing out my message I let out another gasp and a sharp Ekk. This is happening this is really real? I'm not going to wake up with my face in the drool covered ( I drool in my sleep, yeah you wanted to know that about me didn't you?) wet pillow? Hit by harsh cold reality? Sugar this is it, deep breath life's going to change and kick off at full speed now, prepare yourself. What to write? I've waited for this moment since I was a fashion naive child, sketching delightful zigzag, polka dot, primary colour ensembles with the aid of the famous fashion wheel (how I loved that toy).
Think and remain cool (nope its never too late to be 'cool')...
...Dear PR person (you kind kind fashion PR person yoooou)
How could I turn down such a fantastic opportunity? When you say "placement" do you mean actual job vacancy and wage? Or are you referring to a internship? Forgive my dimness.
How long is the placement and assuming its an internship would it be possible to cover my pesky travel expenses and lunch as I'm currently unemployed.
Thanks again, kind regards...
Send.
I'm all nervous now its been days too many days and I can't sleep, eat or think straight completely overwhelmed. The normally plain and simple task such as food shopping is proving to be too much, I left my purse behind at home and can't pay for my bread, soup and toilet roll ( yeah huh my shopping sprees are that mind blowing, don't hate me hahaha) all in all I can't function. Its that sort of anxious feeling when mind is fully preoccupied the pondering and 'what ifs' dominate your life. A similar gut wrenching feeling when awaiting feedback any feedback from that fine fella you met for a first date,as far back as three days ago and still no phone call
(Erm that's a whole other blog post and one I shall not be putting into type any time soon).
For the next annoying mundane days that followed I sat, sat and intensely starred at my computer screen eyes fixated on the old hotmail inbox. Ooh Ooh one "new message" let me at it, let me at it!
Yes, yes yes thank youuuu God (check me out all religious)its from them the lovely fashion PR peeps...
... Hi prettyneons,
Delighted with your interest (correction I'm delighted and over the moon with your interest in little old fashion blogging me)in our placement which we would like for you to fill.This placement is a 2-4month internship in London and could lead to possible full time employment in the near future.
We cannot cover your travel due to your location (what the!? I live a stones throw away in Sussex hundreds of fellow Sussex people make this expensive commute every day. This doesn't add up?). But (joy I'm still in with a chance, go on go...because of your catch 22 circumstance were happy to cover your travel)we can pay your lunch (wow that's very generous of you, however I'm not that purse broke and skint I can't afford to take my own homemade sandwiches!) and the insight your gain will be invaluable. Placement begins the start of November, Kind Regards...
Kind regards? You can shove your "kind regards" up your ass. Whats 'kind' about refusing to pay my travel expenses and in the process ONCE AGAIN putting my career on pause. Whats kind about building my hopes/ expectations? Since when was crushing someones dreams ever 'kind'?
Send.
Within ten minutes I received an instant reply...
...Hi prettyneons,(don't "hi" me)
We do not cover travel I'm afraid, here's a few suggestions (Um I've got a few for you honey)can you not borrow from your parents/ friends? Or work a part time job? (now I know I excel in multi-tasking, but how can I possibly juggle the two when the placement days are 9:30am-8:00pm mon-friday + long commute ( I live in the middle of nowhere) + moi returning home at 10pm = no part time job hours.'Duh).
As for "borrow from your parents/ friends" no can do we aren't all that highly privileged, some of us struggle with the weekly food shop hence the soup in bulk.
Send.
Funny enough yesterday I had another email like this one from a fashion publication, yep you guessed correctly "we do not cover travel expenses".
I ONCE AGAIN explained all, my fucking circumstance and all that jazz blah , blah, blah.
Fashion listen up all of you listen carefully (or rather read carefully)as what I say often no wait ALWAYS falls on deaf ears...
...*Do not offer me 'internships', 'placement's (whichever way you wish to address slave labor and general exploitation) if you cannot pay my travel expenses I have to get on two trains and one hellish long bus ride. Now please tell me is this really requesting too much? When I'm yours for four whole months running around after your coffee's,licking envelopes happy to be exploited if it means I may possibly achieve a step on that career ladder?
Is contributing towards my travel and lunch costs really going to leave a dent in your American Express black card? Is it really going to affect your gym membership and frequent designer shopping sprees?
Once again all you fashion insiders who are eager to offer me an internship until I mention those two little words 'travel' and 'lunch' expenses in which you leave me hanging and feeling somewhat a big fat ( Ooh forgive me did I use that dreaded word fat?) fashion outcast and very much a lost creative soul.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself either. I'm instead feeling very frustrated and very fucking sorry for myself.
*Insert ironic,positive upbeat, sickly sweet and happy fashion image
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image from:thesundaytimesstyle magazine.